Ready or Willing?

Someone made the statement, "I guess you weren't quite ready for it [the move to Arizona]."  Is it possible to every be ready to care for an aging parent?  To have the roles reversed and see them as the one dependent on you.  Are you ever ready as a child to face the illnesses, falls, confusion and future death of a parent?  Are you ever ready to be responsible for all their business, home and health issues and still handle your own?

I'm not sure I will ever be ready for what lies ahead but I am willing.  Being willing and being ready are two very different things.

The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines ready and willing as:
Ready = prepared mentally or physically for some experience or action
Willing = of or relating to the will or power of choosing

No, I am not ready for this responsibility but I have made a choice to care for Dad, and for this house because he desires to remain here.

It was time to return.  Ready or Not.

Merry Christmas,

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... but since the snow is in Montana and I'm here in sunny, well almost sunny, Arizona it is only a dream.  Temperature comparison of 56 (F) vs. 11 (F) today makes Arizona preferable at this time even if it's rainy and cloudy.

I have been her 2+ months but I am still not all unpacked and even less organized.  I have not figured out where it is: the things I need are what I've left behind.  Seems I'm always hunting for something these days.  I either can't find it or I don't have it any longer.

I suspect that it is going to take me longer than the 3 months I had anticipated to adjust.  Transition, I'm discovering is very hard work.  After talking with some others who have done this before, I am now expecting for it to take more like a year to get into a routine.

This year of 2009 has been overwhelming with all the changes and decisions.  I'm tired just thinking about it.  I am looking forward to 2010 and staying put for a long time, re-learning homemaking skills that I have not had to use in recent years and finding some energy that ran out long ago.  So far, I finding it difficult to keep up with the housework, Dad's doctor appointments and the holidays.

Dad and I had two Thanksgiving feasts this year; one on Veterans Day when friends invited us to their early Thanksgiving because their son was home on leave from the Army.  The day before he presented the flag at the Mesa Senior Center and Dad was able to march in behind him with other veterans that were there that day.  On Thanksgiving, we went to my friend's parent's home.  Since we've known each other since 9th grade it's almost like family.

Dad has to put up with some new residents to our home... besides me.  Since I'm allergic to most furry animals, I have found fish a wonderful substitute.  Believe it or not, fish do have some great personalities.  So I now have a small 5 gallon tank housing 5 tiny occupants.

I hope that this finds you celebrating with joy this Christmas season and with peace in your hearts throughout the New Year.

Wishing You And Yours A Very Merry Christmas And A Happy New Year.

Settling In Arizona

The record breaking heat of Arizona is finally gone and it is back to the normal 70's.  Ahhhhh.  Perfect temperatures.  And surprisingly the sidewalk was wet this morning from much needed rain.

I am still working on settling in here. Still haven't "established" myself on solid footing.  Boxes yet to be unpacked although I finally found some clothes I have been searching for in a box under other stuff.  Then why is it whatever I leave behind is what I end up needing/wanting to use?  It was like that coming from Kona also.  Thought I had it all planned out for this move.  Wrong.  So many items I have had to go purchase again, like a hair dryer that gave out this week. 

The house has got the best of me a few times.  But will keep plugging away.  I like to organize and do home improvement but have to remember to focus on one thing at a time.  Right now, my room, spare bedroom, bathrooms, kitchen, trees, cars.... are all commanding attention.  Problem is that it takes three steps to do one thing most of the time.

I have been learning to cook again.  Dad seems to like it although it is different than what he is used to eating.  It is an improvement on microwave meals and sandwiches which is good.

It's been interesting returning home to the same house after 26 years away.  Lots of varying emotions.  Each week improves and as soon as I find a routine that should help. 

I love the Holidays and that should perk things up also.  Well I'm in the mood for pumpkin muffins.  All I need to do is find the box with the recipe so I better start digging. 

Humbling vs. Humiliation

Humiliation - to reduce to a lower position in one's own eyes or others' eyes (Websters Online)
Humble - not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive (Websters Online)

I've been studying poverty lately.   Should I be living on nothing to spare?  I'm sure there are people who are also in that position other than myself.

The first half of my time in missions was blessed.  I was abundantly supplied for.  Then as the new century rolled in - my support rolled out and it never returned leaving me to pillage the storehouse till nothing was left there either.

This is September and I have not a penny to my name because there are bills requiring that penny and other bills that have no way of payment without God.  Proverbs 10:15 says, "The rich man's wealth is his fortress, The ruin of the poor is their poverty."

Ruin in the Hebrew means destruction, terror and a breaking.

I must admit it has been a very painful breaking...never before had I experienced the sensation of physical pain as I looked at someone driving a nice car or seen a well-kept house - like I have in the last couple years.  Is that coveting?

Terror... oh yes.  Over the past few months, I've used my credit card for food, medicine, tickets and now shipping, knowing I didn't have the money to cover it.  God has covered it every month but there are times that I wonder if the emotional interest paid is worth the taste of an apple.

Maybe I was wrong in shipping my things home.  Should I have left all instead of half here?  I've wrestled with that a lot lately.  I only know that at the point of making decisions of what stays and what goes the mind battle was intense and the sense of loss enormous. So I shipped.

Missions requires two jobs; your selected ministry and support raising.  I've taken the classes.  Read the books.  Obviously, something worked in the beginning but now...I have failed in this area.

This I'm sure is a learning curve...God always has a life lesson involved with each challenge.  So for now I'm looking for the life lesson in the midst of the storm.  Thanking God that He has supplied even though it is not how or when I think it should be.

Altar in the Pines

A couple thoughts from the SBS Retreat last week. Tom Possin spoke and made a couple points I wanted to highlight. Speaking of Luke 13:32-34 (the parallel verse to my blog title) he said, "Love is an investment of ourselves in others." Another point he made is that we can't disconnect God from people.

Personally, I had just discovered from my own relationships that - My relationship with others mirrors my relationship with God and visa versa. My relationship with God mirrors my relationship with others. When I'm feeling distant and closed from others you can be certain that I'm also feeling distant from God. So how do I remedy that?

Which comes first? The chicken or the egg. I suspect that my relationship with God is always first, or should be. So if that's distant it stands to reason that other relationships would also feel distant.

As I thought about the 4 years in Montana, the relationships here and how that first year was the honeymoon year. Then came the season of loneliness and now just before I leave, I'm feeling as if there are growing friendships.

I will miss it here. I will miss living in community and the developing friendships. I will miss library and all the great books I wanted to read as I processed them. I will miss the seasons. Yes, even the snow.

Henri Nouwen writes in his book In The Name Of Jesus, "Jesus has a different vision of maturity: It is the ability and willingness to be led where you would rather not go." I know it's time to go but I've been dragging my feet in this move. Doing just about anything to put off the sorting/packing until it becomes absolutely necessary.

I was thinking this through at the retreat sitting looking out over the lake down by the altar area. "Lay Lakeside on the altar" I thought. So I needed to find something that represented Montana to me. How about a pine cone. That will do. For the pine cone has beauty but it also has sharp points. There is beauty here but also the sharp points of my health, Dad' health, finances and those desert areas. Yes the pine cone will represent Montana well.

So taking it up to the altar I sat it in the middle; releasing Lakeside to the Lord. I went back again and picked it up. Isn't that what I keep doing. Giving it to God and then taking it back again. Bad me. Finally, I let go again, "Take it and use it to make what you want to of it in my life."

God's answer was a quiet "I will take care of it" as the sun began to set across the lake and red filled the sky around me and reflected across the lake. I walked away and left Lakeside in the hands of God who is much better than I at taking care of things.

Now just remind me not to go back and pick it up again.

Sherri

Transition - April Reflections Part 1

In April, I took a close look at all the transitions in my life over the past 14 years with YWAM. In the next five posts I will break into sections what God was showing me that week.

Transition - YWAM is synonymous with change and for me that means leaving any sense of belonging behind in a cloud of dust. By the time I finally sense that I belong there is another transition and the cycle begins once again. Even more likely is that there are many transitions in progress and I’m at a different stage in each of them. Fourteen years later and I still am transitioning, and changing.

So since my core need is belonging, why would God put me in a place like YWAM that would continually be stretching me beyond that need? Why? God has put me in places and circumstances that I never would have chosen for myself. Has it been difficult? Yes, more times than I’d like to admit. Has He met me? Each and every time!

Looking back at Kona and Montana the word I thought of was ‘seasons’ and that triggered an idea of an analogy. I’ll also back track just a bit, into pre-YWAM days in Arizona, to preface this.

A long time ago, I learned to stop fighting God in the hard places. To press in, take hold of, shine the light on and go along for the ride of a lifetime. You see, God has my best in mind. Do I always remember to practice this . . . no way! I still drag my feet and whine many times. Oh that I could be as Paul and rejoice in all that comes my direction.

Once I arrive in a location, it takes a word from God to move me on. I like to settle in - to nest. Both in Kona and Montana I had no intention of leaving, until God said go. God doesn’t direct me to the easy places. Oh how sometimes I wish he would just give me a break and send me to “the perfect place”. But then how would I grow without all the desert experiences. So whether it’s in the desert literally, or beside an ocean or up in the mountains, God uses each “desert” experience to mold me into his image.

Kona - April Reflections Part 2

1. What did I learn about God?

2. What did I learn about others?

3. What did I learn about myself?

4. What has Satan stolen or tried to steal

KONA

The island of Hawaii has 7 out of 9 climate zones. This variety brought out the beauty of the island. Snow in the mountains, the lush tropical rain forest of Hilo, the dry desert and lava rock of Kona and the pasture lands of Waimea. Traveling from one place to another you could see the change. In Hawaii, I learned adaptability. I learned there is beauty in variety; not only in a landscape but in human nature as well. I count myself fortunate to know people from around the world. To have learned about cultures so different from mine.

Hawaii is a volcano. To sit on top of a volcano is not pleasant all the time. There is the smell of sulfur, the intense heat, and the rumblings below the ground. Beauty may be above the surface but there is a hot, bubbling undercurrent that so often goes unnoticed. People don’t always respond the way we expect. So many fissures of pressures exposing the red hot lava, destroying whatever came in its way. But from the ashes, what will come? Will it be a thing of beauty, a resurrection of new life or will it stay covered over and scarred.

God has always brought beauty from ashes, resurrection from death. Even now I see it in lives of people I know. They are venturing into new areas, new places they probably would have never expected to be without the lava forcing them to change directions. God brings new life from the old.

One thing about the ocean is the changing tide. It rushes in and it rushes out. Sometimes there is a beach, sometimes there is not. The sand comes and goes with the tide - as at Magic Sands Beach. This would be my description of YWAM friendships. Sometimes they are there and sometimes they are not. Yet one thing about YWAM friends is like the sand of the beach, they always come back. Maybe in a different location but within YWAM it is a small world. I wonder how far away the sand that returns to the beach has traveled.

During my sabbatical in Kona, I had a picture of deep sea fishing with God. In my exhaustion, I pretty much wanted to be left alone. However, God never went too far away. Fishing was the example for me. Like a big Marlin he had me hooked. He’d reel me in a little and then let the line out to let me run. Reel in . . . let run. Reel in . . . let me run until finally He could pull me on board with Him.

I still consider Hawaii home. What made it home for me? I spent 10 years there. I had my own apartment. I was rarely with out transportation, even if it wasn’t mine. I spent holidays there, Christmas in particular. There were traditions. Friends were as close as family. There were good and bad times, but there was an acceptance. I belonged. I was a part of the community. When I left, I left a piece of my heart there.

Montana - April Reflections Part 3

1. What did I learn about God?

2. What did I learn about others?

3. What did I learn about myself?

4. What has Satan stolen or tried to steal

MONTANA
It’s beautiful here in Montana surrounded by the mountains. The mountains remind me of the people, there is an ever changing beauty that the sun reflects. They surround me when I need strength and are a constant. There is stability here on the base as a whole. However, I would loved to have experienced the people but like the mountains they seemed far away. I discovered it takes time to get close in Montana: to walk among the beauty and the rivers that flow through their lives. To learn about the paths their lives take, to walk in the cool streams, to know who they are. I was getting closer; I had hiked to the foothills. The distance to the mountaintop was closing. I was just beginning to learn who they were and they were beginning to know me. But the road has now changed directions, from the mountains to the desert. This is my big disappointment - I never got to climb the mountains of potential friends - I only enjoyed them from the distance and never really knew who these people are. I’ve missed so much.

Flathead Lake glistens when the sun shines on it reminding me of the reflection of God. The first two years I had a fishing license. Yet only once did I actually go out on the lake fishing. It was in a canoe. Not the steadiest thing in the world and I caught a half dozen little bitty fish that I threw back in. Kind of like my intimacy with God has been. There are so many big fish in that lake. Wonders of God to be caught and dined upon but I only caught the little ones and in a shaky time at that. My intimacy with God during this time was like those little fish. Enough to say I was fishing but not enough to satisfy. I’m still hungry.

How nice it has been to have seasons in Montana. Winter, spring, summer and fall . . . I look out my window at the trees. Some forever green but some have lost their leaves and are bare. It is spring now. Soon the buds will bring new leaves bright and green and then they will turn their beautiful yellow, orange and red colors only to fall to the ground. There are areas in my life that stay green year round, areas where I don’t doubt. But there are other areas, that come summer they are green, but as seasons cycles so do my emotions. There are times when I have conquered fears but other times when they are back. Times when I am confident and strong and other times when I am weak and timid. There are the winter times when life feels cold and bare.

Winter brings cold and snow. Spring brings new life and summer brings warmth.... and fall. Well, fall is actually my favorite time here because there is a beauty in the changing colors and a nip to the air. Change may mean loss, a loss of leaves or personally a loss of security, identity or familiarity. But it also means beauty and crispness, proving that God is at work, designing and creating the seasons of my life.

Montana had not yet become home. I could never seem to put down roots. A bedroom is not conducive to inviting people over and it’s hard to initiate going somewhere when you have no way to get there. Christmas was spent in Arizona. I did come expecting to make it home like Hawaii - in due time. It had the potential. I really do love it here.

Now the direction has changed from North to South - back to Arizona. It’s probably good Montana had never felt like home or it would be even more difficult than it is to leave. But Arizona is no longer home either. The building will have to begin all over again. The positives - I still have a core group of friends and Arizona is not as transient as YWAM. Yes, that’s good.

What has Satan stolen or tried to steal...Blue skies.

Montana - the big sky country and one of extremes. I don’t usually notice the gray skies of winter - the sun hiding behind the clouds, as long as there is the white of the snow reflecting the light. However, once the sun peeks its head out from behind the clouds in spring, there is a noticeable difference. Bright blue stretches across the expanse of sky replacing what was the dull gray of winter.

Satan loves to steal those bright blue skies and turn my life into a dull gray. Often I don’t even notice the blue is missing until something happens and I remember the times when the sky of my life was blue. The times when I boldly went out on a limb trusting that the hand of God would support that limb. Or the times when I had confidence that God was directing me in what I said or did.

Satan really can’t steal who I am in Christ, because Christ will never leave me, but he can try to hide Him behind the dullness of the gray skies so that it appears that He is gone. Then it appears the intimacy I once had is no longer there. It appears that the cold will last forever but he can’t keep Him hidden for long; for just as the seasons change, the sun will always come out from behind a cloud. Reminding me that it’s always been there, I just couldn’t see it at the time.

God stretches and challenges - puts me in places I would never choose on my own. He removes the comforts and makes the nest prickly at times. But He never leaves me, never am I alone, even if it sometimes “feels” that way. He never gives me more than I can handle with Him by my side.

Summary - April Reflection Part 4

Pre YWAM:

1. What did I learn about God?

He has my best in mind. God is in control.

2. What did I learn about others?

Different friends play different roles in my life. I have friends who challenge me; friends who do things with me; friends who encourage me; friends who laugh with me and cry with me; friends who share their lives with me; and friends who pick up where we left off, even if it was months or years ago.

3. What did I learn about myself?

Stop fighting and press into the lessons of God during the difficult times.

Kona:

1. What did I learn about God?

God goes deep sea fishing... keeping me on the hook yet letting me run...reeling me in and letting me run until finally I stop fighting. If I believe in Him he can do anything.

2. What did I learn about others?

Many come and go - but true friendship... crosses the miles, swims the oceans and climbs to the mountain top to see beyond what meets the eye.

3. What did I learn about myself?

If someone believes in me I can do anything . . . or at least attempt it. Flexibility and change are not always bad. I can adapt to unusual circumstances.

Montana:

School hasn’t dismissed yet and this season is still in progress for a little while yet.

1. What did I learn about God?

Looking out my window I can see the reflection of God upon the lake, the strength of God in the mountains and the breath of God in the trees. His creation is glorious. But just because I’ve only caught the small fish doesn’t mean there isn’t big fish in the lake. Holy Spirit come fishing with me for those big fish, the big revelations. There is still time. I haven’t left yet.

2. What did I learn about others?

I want more time. Oh how I wish I had learned more about people here. That I would have gotten farther into the mountains than just the foothills. It takes time and time ran out before I could discover the depth of up close relationships. There is strength and support here. I see it in times of crisis. But at times just as the snow covers the mountains in the winter, so it too is relationship covered over until the warmth melts it again.

3. What did I learn about myself?

My life is like the seasons: ever changing as in the fall, at times bare and cold like winter, other times budding with excitement and new life in spring and still yet there are times when the grass is green and all is right with my world.

Often I don't appreciate or realize what I have until it's no longer available.

The final question, Satan has come to rob, kill and destroy . . . blue skies, [confidence, joy, trust, and intimacy]. But I know that my God reigns (His power is greater than Satan’s) and that nothing the enemy throws at me can separate me from His love. I am more than a conqueror. Romans 8:31-39

Bridge Application - April Reflections Part 5

How could I creatively put to use all that God had just shown me? The word ‘bridge’ came to mind. But what did that mean exactly?

Then I remembered an old newsletter and photo from Taiwan of me in the middle of a bridge, a suspension bridge no less. Now what you need to know is that bridges scare me, heights scare me. I will go out of my way to avoid crossing over one. But God has used this bridge many times to speak to me.

A quick check in Websters gave me new insight...
Bridge - a time, place, or means of connection or transition (Webster’s Online Dictionary)

A favorite line from The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge gave me inspiration...

“Faith looks back and draws courage; hope looks ahead and keeps desire alive.”

Reading that 2001 newsletter of mine connected me once again.

“Faith looks back and draws courage...”

A line stands out. “I discovered on that bridge, that the support is there despite the feelings of instability.” Here I am again standing in the middle of a bridge with no means of obvious support, yet the support is there.

“Faith looks back and draws courage...”

As I reflect over my years with YWAM.

“Faith looks back and draws courage...”

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

A bridge connects or transitions from one thing to another. Yup, that’s where I’m at... That’s what this has been about.

“...hope looks ahead and keeps desire alive.”

I’ve been stuck in the middle of the bridge.

“...hope looks ahead and keeps desire alive.”

I’ve been rooted in place with insecurity and longing. It’s time to move forward again.

“...hope looks ahead and keeps desire alive.”

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. ~Psalm 42:5

“...hope looks ahead and keeps desire alive.”

Weeding

Praying with a friend last night during some anxious moments, I saw a wonderful picture.

She prayed about anxious thoughts not blooming in my mind. Which prompted a picture of pulling out weeds from my mind; doubt, insecurity, discouragement, etc... I just named all that came to mind. As I was pulling them out I was placing them at the feet of Jesus, standing nearby. He then bundled them up and threw them off a cliff into the water below.

Then I felt a pulling in my heart and asked what he was pulling out and Jesus said "trust issues". This seemed like a big one. He worked slowly and gently tugging and pulling until at last I didn't feel it any more and he handed it to me to throw over the cliff.

Then we were sitting in the weeded part together. It was a peaceful and contented time. I know the weeds will return, Many of them had already gone to seed but for now they have been cast as far as the east is from the west.

Until it's time for another weeding session.

Tug-A-War

Tossing and turning has been a regular event these nights. It’s coming down to the wire now and I can feel it.

I keep asking myself the question, “Why is packing so hard this time?” It feels like a tug-a-war going on inside my head ... and body.

Physically, I’m trying to control my diabetes with diet and exercise and only one medication instead of two. So that meant some diet changes once again. Now it seems I also am having problems with acid reflux. More diet changes. Soon I won’t be able to eat anything I like and with that thought I discovered that I was feeling deprived in many areas.

Deprived has never been an emotion I’ve had to confront before now. Webster defines it as “marked by deprivation especially of the necessities of life or of healthful environmental influences”.

Recognizing that has helped some and I am trying not to focus on what I don’t have and instead remind myself what I do have. How did Paul become content in every situation, abounding and without? That has been a challenge - some days more than others. I haven’t discovered Paul’s peace yet. Any more changes or giving up of something and I...may scream, pull my hair out, take a long nap, or curl up in a ball.... A long nap sounds nice.

In April I participated in a week of learning about transitions. One thing I discovered is that since 1995, when I started YWAM, I had 99 radical changes (job, position, friends, location, housing, health, roommates, finances, etc.) and 35 minor changes (schools, trips, etc.). Overload for someone like me who’s core need is belonging and prefers consistency and stability.

This month alone finds me sorting through more changes: what is left of memories from the other moves, dealing with health issues, anxiety issues, identity issues, financial issues and moving issues.

I would appreciate, no I really need, your prayers for the next couple weeks. Oh, let’s just make that the next couple months.

My goal is to have everything packed and the house cleaned up and most driving errands accomplished in the next two weeks - before my housemate arrives home on Aug. 18^th and reclaims her house and her car.

So let me give you a very brief outline of some of my activities/goals and you can be sure there is more than just this.

Week Of:

Aug 3 ....: Library tour for new staff, Library training (student), packing at home...

Aug 10...: Vacation = pack, clean and at least have ready to ship maybe shipped.

Aug. 17...: Training for library (staff)

Aug. 24...: Base staff retreat = 3 days. Let loose of Library, everyone trained...

Aug. 31...: SBS retreat = 2 days.

Sept 7.....: Around for questions and working on SBS International.

Sept. 14...: Vacation - Sept 18 will be last day with YWAM Montana.

Sept 21...: Prepare to leave on Sept. 25th

Whew.... Now on to the next adventure

The Date Is Set

The date is set, the piles of "send", "toss" and "give away" are growing. September 25th I leave Montana for Arizona. A new airport adventure is in store, flying out of Missoula - a two hour drive and into the new airport at Mesa.

I found a great book in our library the other day. The title "After The Boxes Are Unpacked" by Susan Miller caught my attention. A veteran mover herself, she gives practical and emotional insight into the often overwhelming and stressful time of moving.

Something she said struck home, "Most of us will have help with the physical move, but few of us have anyone to help with the emotional move. Even under the best circumstances, emotional stress is inevitable. Moving puts us on the overload cycle!"

So I'm not alone when just the thought of decisions, sorting, packing, mailing and traveling leaves me tired and overwhelmed before I even start. It's normal. I'm normal.

It's normal that I am torn between Montana; the budding friendships, green trees, the lake and the cool weather - to being settled, back with Dad and friends with history.

Your prayers at this time are key. Finances and decisions are high stress points. The needed energy and health for tackling everything and letting go of the old to be able to grab hold of that which will be new. All that this transition entails. Pray also for Dad adjusting to all these changes and the summer heat that keeps him housebound more than he likes.

It's not an easy time. But it is the new season. One that with the grace of God I will embrace.

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deut 31:8

Confidence

Have you ever lost your confidence? Maybe it’s hiding in the middle of a stack of bills, under that pile of files that you just can’t seem to get to, or in the middle of your ‘to do’ list. Or just maybe, it walked away with your children, husband or friend, like mine did.

A couple years ago a friend of mine was going through some severe difficulties. I felt at a loss to know how to help her. In all our talks, could I have said more? Would it of changed the situation? Guilt came crashing through the door and confidence walked out.

At the same time, another friend lost her husband suddenly to a heart attack. Confidence gone, I didn’t know what to do. Stay or go? What could I handle? What would be most helpful? Anxiety walked in the door guilt has crashed down.

I discovered that as I lost confidence in myself, I also lost my confidence in God. Ouch. Twins so to speak; the two seem to walk hand in hand in my life.

Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary states that . . .“confidence stresses faith in oneself and one's powers without any suggestion of conceit or arrogance” Could we as Christians also say .. . Confidence stresses faith in God and His power?

Hebrews 10:32-39
“Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering...insult and persecution...in prison...confiscation of your property...So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised... But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.”

What will it take for me to find my confidence again? Is it under the pile of garbage from the enemy? According to the verse above - Persevere. Don’t shrink back. Remember. Remember those earlier days. God reminded his people to remember what had been accomplished. .. from altars of remembrances, to festivals, sacrifices and covenants. He set the example, saying that he would remember his covenant with them. Time and time again he said it. He would remember his covenant.

So how do I persevere and stand my ground? What should I remember? The things God has accomplished in my life; the times that God spoke through me, the times that he supplied exactly what I needed, the times that people were pleased with my work, my friends, the times that ... All those promises of God are still available.

More importantly, the firm foundation:
Pr 14:26 In the fear of Jehovah is strong confidence; And his children shall have a place of refuge.
Pr 3:25 Be not afraid of sudden fear, Neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh:
Pr 3:26 For Jehovah will be thy confidence, And will keep thy foot from being taken.

“On Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand.” Edward Mote

When life gets shaky you are my rock, my refuge, and my confidence in whom I can trust. Whether or not I feel it or see it - it is truth! Whether the sky is gray or blue, it is the truth. I reclaim my confidence, in myself and in you my Lord.

Bye Bye Website...Hello Blogging

My website renewal came and went....the way of the economy. So now trying my hand at blogging since it is free. Should be interesting...