Building An Arsenal…

If you read back a few posts you will see that I am conquering fears.  It’s not been an easy battle as I smacked into a brick wall of anxiety over this past week.  I couldn’t shake it.

Over the past month, I had a number of medical tests, most of which were heart related. Today, at last,  was the final test in a series of 4 cardiology appointments, with the results to follow in 2 weeks.  

I was recently challenged that having a COVID test was a lack of faith.  So in that same line of reasoning are the heart tests also a lack of faith?  I considered this.  But I felt the Lord say that He was guiding me and that I needed to trust my decisions, something I have difficulty doing.  I am very good at second guessing myself.

For me, these medical tests are weapons that I can put into my arsenal against the enemy. Anxiety and fear are my enemies.  Only on a rare occasion did God tell the Israelites to go to war against their enemies without weapons.  I feel God telling me to build an arsenal of weapons (physical and spiritual)… not lay them down.  

Believe me, I had never considered medical tests as weapons of warfare until yesterday. It was a new perspective.  Was this one effective? Yes. The COVID test was negative and anxiety tucked his tail between his legs and backed off.   

And for me, I will continue to scale the walls with God’s strength and with the weapons He puts at my disposal.  I am so glad God deals with us as individuals.  What may be lack of faith for one person, may be a strengthening of faith for another.  God’s perspective, God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours. (Isaiah 55:9)

Re-entry Anxiety

“Re-entry anxiety is real! Nearly half of U.S. adults feel anxious about resuming in-person interactions post-pandemic. Focus on the 3 Rs: recover your well-being, resume regular activities safely and reconnect with what’s important to you – your health, family, community and sense of purpose – so you can Live Fierce.”  -  American Heart Association 

I experienced this re-entry anxiety last week during the first outside visit with a friend in the year and a half since COVID.  It turned out that it was an epic failure, at least in my eyes.  Without going into details, I left fighting tears from what had become a traumatic experience for me.

Fear took over my mind and as fear grew I found myself becoming more and more depressed.  As the anxiety built, I started with forgiveness and prayer.  Yet, the anxiety clung tenaciously to me.  Distractions worked temporarily but as night fell the anxiety dug it’s claws deeper.  I turned to my prayer warriors on Facebook and as the prayer notifications came in sleep finally came.  Thank you for covering my back.

Yet, I still found myself struggling the next day and now depression was starting.  I put on a Terry Talbot song called Heal Me.  A favorite from years back.  The words, “Heal me Lord, heal me. Humble me that I might see you. Heal me, Lord, heal me.” made an impression.  Especially the word humility this time.

Humility.   Ok, so I humbled myself and called a friend to pray with me directly. I explained the whole situation to her and she prayed…fervently, and offered some perspective on the situation.  I felt much better after that call and I had more ammunition against the enemy.

God is in control.  Fear is not in control. My inheritance comes from Jesus.  He left me His peace.  His calm.  In God’s strength I can crush my dreads and fears.  I can crush perfectionism.  I can crush the sense of being wrong.  I can make it over any wall the enemy sets before me.  Because God says, not to be afraid because He is with me.  He says, don’t be discouraged because He is my God.  He says he will give me strength and help. And He will hold me up with his victorious right hand!  Victorious!   (Ps.18:29 and Is.41:10)