Transition - April Reflections Part 1

In April, I took a close look at all the transitions in my life over the past 14 years with YWAM. In the next five posts I will break into sections what God was showing me that week.

Transition - YWAM is synonymous with change and for me that means leaving any sense of belonging behind in a cloud of dust. By the time I finally sense that I belong there is another transition and the cycle begins once again. Even more likely is that there are many transitions in progress and I’m at a different stage in each of them. Fourteen years later and I still am transitioning, and changing.

So since my core need is belonging, why would God put me in a place like YWAM that would continually be stretching me beyond that need? Why? God has put me in places and circumstances that I never would have chosen for myself. Has it been difficult? Yes, more times than I’d like to admit. Has He met me? Each and every time!

Looking back at Kona and Montana the word I thought of was ‘seasons’ and that triggered an idea of an analogy. I’ll also back track just a bit, into pre-YWAM days in Arizona, to preface this.

A long time ago, I learned to stop fighting God in the hard places. To press in, take hold of, shine the light on and go along for the ride of a lifetime. You see, God has my best in mind. Do I always remember to practice this . . . no way! I still drag my feet and whine many times. Oh that I could be as Paul and rejoice in all that comes my direction.

Once I arrive in a location, it takes a word from God to move me on. I like to settle in - to nest. Both in Kona and Montana I had no intention of leaving, until God said go. God doesn’t direct me to the easy places. Oh how sometimes I wish he would just give me a break and send me to “the perfect place”. But then how would I grow without all the desert experiences. So whether it’s in the desert literally, or beside an ocean or up in the mountains, God uses each “desert” experience to mold me into his image.

Kona - April Reflections Part 2

1. What did I learn about God?

2. What did I learn about others?

3. What did I learn about myself?

4. What has Satan stolen or tried to steal

KONA

The island of Hawaii has 7 out of 9 climate zones. This variety brought out the beauty of the island. Snow in the mountains, the lush tropical rain forest of Hilo, the dry desert and lava rock of Kona and the pasture lands of Waimea. Traveling from one place to another you could see the change. In Hawaii, I learned adaptability. I learned there is beauty in variety; not only in a landscape but in human nature as well. I count myself fortunate to know people from around the world. To have learned about cultures so different from mine.

Hawaii is a volcano. To sit on top of a volcano is not pleasant all the time. There is the smell of sulfur, the intense heat, and the rumblings below the ground. Beauty may be above the surface but there is a hot, bubbling undercurrent that so often goes unnoticed. People don’t always respond the way we expect. So many fissures of pressures exposing the red hot lava, destroying whatever came in its way. But from the ashes, what will come? Will it be a thing of beauty, a resurrection of new life or will it stay covered over and scarred.

God has always brought beauty from ashes, resurrection from death. Even now I see it in lives of people I know. They are venturing into new areas, new places they probably would have never expected to be without the lava forcing them to change directions. God brings new life from the old.

One thing about the ocean is the changing tide. It rushes in and it rushes out. Sometimes there is a beach, sometimes there is not. The sand comes and goes with the tide - as at Magic Sands Beach. This would be my description of YWAM friendships. Sometimes they are there and sometimes they are not. Yet one thing about YWAM friends is like the sand of the beach, they always come back. Maybe in a different location but within YWAM it is a small world. I wonder how far away the sand that returns to the beach has traveled.

During my sabbatical in Kona, I had a picture of deep sea fishing with God. In my exhaustion, I pretty much wanted to be left alone. However, God never went too far away. Fishing was the example for me. Like a big Marlin he had me hooked. He’d reel me in a little and then let the line out to let me run. Reel in . . . let run. Reel in . . . let me run until finally He could pull me on board with Him.

I still consider Hawaii home. What made it home for me? I spent 10 years there. I had my own apartment. I was rarely with out transportation, even if it wasn’t mine. I spent holidays there, Christmas in particular. There were traditions. Friends were as close as family. There were good and bad times, but there was an acceptance. I belonged. I was a part of the community. When I left, I left a piece of my heart there.

Montana - April Reflections Part 3

1. What did I learn about God?

2. What did I learn about others?

3. What did I learn about myself?

4. What has Satan stolen or tried to steal

MONTANA
It’s beautiful here in Montana surrounded by the mountains. The mountains remind me of the people, there is an ever changing beauty that the sun reflects. They surround me when I need strength and are a constant. There is stability here on the base as a whole. However, I would loved to have experienced the people but like the mountains they seemed far away. I discovered it takes time to get close in Montana: to walk among the beauty and the rivers that flow through their lives. To learn about the paths their lives take, to walk in the cool streams, to know who they are. I was getting closer; I had hiked to the foothills. The distance to the mountaintop was closing. I was just beginning to learn who they were and they were beginning to know me. But the road has now changed directions, from the mountains to the desert. This is my big disappointment - I never got to climb the mountains of potential friends - I only enjoyed them from the distance and never really knew who these people are. I’ve missed so much.

Flathead Lake glistens when the sun shines on it reminding me of the reflection of God. The first two years I had a fishing license. Yet only once did I actually go out on the lake fishing. It was in a canoe. Not the steadiest thing in the world and I caught a half dozen little bitty fish that I threw back in. Kind of like my intimacy with God has been. There are so many big fish in that lake. Wonders of God to be caught and dined upon but I only caught the little ones and in a shaky time at that. My intimacy with God during this time was like those little fish. Enough to say I was fishing but not enough to satisfy. I’m still hungry.

How nice it has been to have seasons in Montana. Winter, spring, summer and fall . . . I look out my window at the trees. Some forever green but some have lost their leaves and are bare. It is spring now. Soon the buds will bring new leaves bright and green and then they will turn their beautiful yellow, orange and red colors only to fall to the ground. There are areas in my life that stay green year round, areas where I don’t doubt. But there are other areas, that come summer they are green, but as seasons cycles so do my emotions. There are times when I have conquered fears but other times when they are back. Times when I am confident and strong and other times when I am weak and timid. There are the winter times when life feels cold and bare.

Winter brings cold and snow. Spring brings new life and summer brings warmth.... and fall. Well, fall is actually my favorite time here because there is a beauty in the changing colors and a nip to the air. Change may mean loss, a loss of leaves or personally a loss of security, identity or familiarity. But it also means beauty and crispness, proving that God is at work, designing and creating the seasons of my life.

Montana had not yet become home. I could never seem to put down roots. A bedroom is not conducive to inviting people over and it’s hard to initiate going somewhere when you have no way to get there. Christmas was spent in Arizona. I did come expecting to make it home like Hawaii - in due time. It had the potential. I really do love it here.

Now the direction has changed from North to South - back to Arizona. It’s probably good Montana had never felt like home or it would be even more difficult than it is to leave. But Arizona is no longer home either. The building will have to begin all over again. The positives - I still have a core group of friends and Arizona is not as transient as YWAM. Yes, that’s good.

What has Satan stolen or tried to steal...Blue skies.

Montana - the big sky country and one of extremes. I don’t usually notice the gray skies of winter - the sun hiding behind the clouds, as long as there is the white of the snow reflecting the light. However, once the sun peeks its head out from behind the clouds in spring, there is a noticeable difference. Bright blue stretches across the expanse of sky replacing what was the dull gray of winter.

Satan loves to steal those bright blue skies and turn my life into a dull gray. Often I don’t even notice the blue is missing until something happens and I remember the times when the sky of my life was blue. The times when I boldly went out on a limb trusting that the hand of God would support that limb. Or the times when I had confidence that God was directing me in what I said or did.

Satan really can’t steal who I am in Christ, because Christ will never leave me, but he can try to hide Him behind the dullness of the gray skies so that it appears that He is gone. Then it appears the intimacy I once had is no longer there. It appears that the cold will last forever but he can’t keep Him hidden for long; for just as the seasons change, the sun will always come out from behind a cloud. Reminding me that it’s always been there, I just couldn’t see it at the time.

God stretches and challenges - puts me in places I would never choose on my own. He removes the comforts and makes the nest prickly at times. But He never leaves me, never am I alone, even if it sometimes “feels” that way. He never gives me more than I can handle with Him by my side.

Summary - April Reflection Part 4

Pre YWAM:

1. What did I learn about God?

He has my best in mind. God is in control.

2. What did I learn about others?

Different friends play different roles in my life. I have friends who challenge me; friends who do things with me; friends who encourage me; friends who laugh with me and cry with me; friends who share their lives with me; and friends who pick up where we left off, even if it was months or years ago.

3. What did I learn about myself?

Stop fighting and press into the lessons of God during the difficult times.

Kona:

1. What did I learn about God?

God goes deep sea fishing... keeping me on the hook yet letting me run...reeling me in and letting me run until finally I stop fighting. If I believe in Him he can do anything.

2. What did I learn about others?

Many come and go - but true friendship... crosses the miles, swims the oceans and climbs to the mountain top to see beyond what meets the eye.

3. What did I learn about myself?

If someone believes in me I can do anything . . . or at least attempt it. Flexibility and change are not always bad. I can adapt to unusual circumstances.

Montana:

School hasn’t dismissed yet and this season is still in progress for a little while yet.

1. What did I learn about God?

Looking out my window I can see the reflection of God upon the lake, the strength of God in the mountains and the breath of God in the trees. His creation is glorious. But just because I’ve only caught the small fish doesn’t mean there isn’t big fish in the lake. Holy Spirit come fishing with me for those big fish, the big revelations. There is still time. I haven’t left yet.

2. What did I learn about others?

I want more time. Oh how I wish I had learned more about people here. That I would have gotten farther into the mountains than just the foothills. It takes time and time ran out before I could discover the depth of up close relationships. There is strength and support here. I see it in times of crisis. But at times just as the snow covers the mountains in the winter, so it too is relationship covered over until the warmth melts it again.

3. What did I learn about myself?

My life is like the seasons: ever changing as in the fall, at times bare and cold like winter, other times budding with excitement and new life in spring and still yet there are times when the grass is green and all is right with my world.

Often I don't appreciate or realize what I have until it's no longer available.

The final question, Satan has come to rob, kill and destroy . . . blue skies, [confidence, joy, trust, and intimacy]. But I know that my God reigns (His power is greater than Satan’s) and that nothing the enemy throws at me can separate me from His love. I am more than a conqueror. Romans 8:31-39

Bridge Application - April Reflections Part 5

How could I creatively put to use all that God had just shown me? The word ‘bridge’ came to mind. But what did that mean exactly?

Then I remembered an old newsletter and photo from Taiwan of me in the middle of a bridge, a suspension bridge no less. Now what you need to know is that bridges scare me, heights scare me. I will go out of my way to avoid crossing over one. But God has used this bridge many times to speak to me.

A quick check in Websters gave me new insight...
Bridge - a time, place, or means of connection or transition (Webster’s Online Dictionary)

A favorite line from The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge gave me inspiration...

“Faith looks back and draws courage; hope looks ahead and keeps desire alive.”

Reading that 2001 newsletter of mine connected me once again.

“Faith looks back and draws courage...”

A line stands out. “I discovered on that bridge, that the support is there despite the feelings of instability.” Here I am again standing in the middle of a bridge with no means of obvious support, yet the support is there.

“Faith looks back and draws courage...”

As I reflect over my years with YWAM.

“Faith looks back and draws courage...”

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

A bridge connects or transitions from one thing to another. Yup, that’s where I’m at... That’s what this has been about.

“...hope looks ahead and keeps desire alive.”

I’ve been stuck in the middle of the bridge.

“...hope looks ahead and keeps desire alive.”

I’ve been rooted in place with insecurity and longing. It’s time to move forward again.

“...hope looks ahead and keeps desire alive.”

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. ~Psalm 42:5

“...hope looks ahead and keeps desire alive.”