Rebuilding My Faith

 I am emotionally exhausted. After 6 months of continuous medical tests, some routine, some not routine, it is time now to regroup, recover and rebuild my faith. 

I cancelled next week’s angiogram (to check circulation of my legs) and the follow up for the following week.  I was pushing forward to complete it but when my Primary doctor said don’t do it, my prayer became Lord, if you don’t want me to do it I needed to hear loud and clear.  Put something in the way to prevent it from happening.  The vertigo this week was that roadblock and the verse in my head the last couple days has been from Proverbs 11, that says in a multitude of counselors there is safety.  Five out of six people, including 2 doctors and a nurse, have said wait or don’t do it. 

I’m trusting that God sees something I don’t.  So this becomes a rebuilding of my faith situation. Another confirmation was reading Hebrews 11, the faith chapter, this morning in devotions.  Plus a post from a friend yesterday about faith encouraged me.

So a new season begins.  To have faith, I need to trust. To trust I need to let go of control. To let go of control I need to allow God to lead and to help me as I can’t do it all myself.  (I’ve realized how independent, even of Him, I’ve become in this last decade. Not where I want to be. Father forgive me.)

It’s time to rebuild the temple, both in my physical life and spiritual life: exercise and study.  Now I need a plan and incentive to get started.

It didn’t take long for doubts/fear to start attacking my mind that I made a poor choice in canceling the procedure. But God keeps reminding me, for months now, to trust my decisions as he is leading me.  God is in control! The weight of this is not on my shoulders. I will not worry about what I can no longer change. My times are in Gods hands.

Breakthrough needed

 It’s been a long season this year fighting fear and anxiety and I still struggle on.  I’m feeling as if I need a breakthrough soon.  Something that will shatter the chains that bind.  It’s been a roller coaster ride.  I conquer and then another issue surfaces and I’m left admist those crumbling walls once again.  

So Lord Jesus I lift my voice to you asking that you heal me from the inside out. That I would discover that peace in the middle of chaos again.  Reveal to me a tangible link to hold on to when the sea becomes rough.  Restore my faith and trust, for you are in control, and have me in the palm of your hand.  It is only by being yoked together with you that I can be an overcomer.  It is too big to carry on my own.  Breakthrough the strongholds in my life with Your grace, peace, love and mercy. Make me more than a conqueror in you. Amen.

Crumbling Walls

 Rest. Rebuild. Wait.

My three words for this long season.  I feel that I have moved into the rebuilding time.  I’ve barely started into this season and it has been painful.   My walls have crumbled and all that is left is the rubble of the past.  Where is the faith I used to have? The joy and excitement? 

Rebuilding is not easy.  All kinds of problems arise as noted when both Eara and Nehemiah encountered opposition when they started rebuilding the temple and the walls of Jerusalem.  

My opposition has been fear and anxiety. I have challenged those and the enemy is not making it easy for me this year. Seems that as one piece of wall goes up another side crumbles.

“But how to get faith strengthened? Not by striving after faith, but by resting on the Faithful One.”  By John McCarthy [in Hangchow, China].  Taken from Hudson Taylor’s publication, The Exchanged Life.

(Wrote August 25, 2021 and quoted added Oct. 4, 2021.)

Weapons In My Arsenal

I wrote this August 17 and waited to post it.  Reading it again was beneficial for me so I will post.

 So do we have both physical and spiritual weapons?  I think so.

Medical tests and medications arm us in the physical to fight against the physical onslaught of the enemy.

However, spiritually we arm ourselves with the word of God, with courage and faith.  The weapons of our warfare are not carnal.

“There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection]. 1 John 4: 18”.       Living Courageously: You Can Face Anything, Just Do It Afraid by Joyce Meyer

Mixed messages?  I don’t think so because God is the one ultimately in control.  Medical science has made miraculous inroads but not without the hand of God directing.