1. What did I learn about God?
2. What did I learn about others?
3. What did I learn about myself?
4. What has Satan stolen or tried to steal
MONTANA
It’s beautiful here in Montana surrounded by the mountains. The mountains remind me of the people, there is an ever changing beauty that the sun reflects. They surround me when I need strength and are a constant. There is stability here on the base as a whole. However, I would loved to have experienced the people but like the mountains they seemed far away. I discovered it takes time to get close in Montana: to walk among the beauty and the rivers that flow through their lives. To learn about the paths their lives take, to walk in the cool streams, to know who they are. I was getting closer; I had hiked to the foothills. The distance to the mountaintop was closing. I was just beginning to learn who they were and they were beginning to know me. But the road has now changed directions, from the mountains to the desert. This is my big disappointment - I never got to climb the mountains of potential friends - I only enjoyed them from the distance and never really knew who these people are. I’ve missed so much.
Flathead Lake glistens when the sun shines on it reminding me of the reflection of God. The first two years I had a fishing license. Yet only once did I actually go out on the lake fishing. It was in a canoe. Not the steadiest thing in the world and I caught a half dozen little bitty fish that I threw back in. Kind of like my intimacy with God has been. There are so many big fish in that lake. Wonders of God to be caught and dined upon but I only caught the little ones and in a shaky time at that. My intimacy with God during this time was like those little fish. Enough to say I was fishing but not enough to satisfy. I’m still hungry.
How nice it has been to have seasons in Montana. Winter, spring, summer and fall . . . I look out my window at the trees. Some forever green but some have lost their leaves and are bare. It is spring now. Soon the buds will bring new leaves bright and green and then they will turn their beautiful yellow, orange and red colors only to fall to the ground. There are areas in my life that stay green year round, areas where I don’t doubt. But there are other areas, that come summer they are green, but as seasons cycles so do my emotions. There are times when I have conquered fears but other times when they are back. Times when I am confident and strong and other times when I am weak and timid. There are the winter times when life feels cold and bare.
Winter brings cold and snow. Spring brings new life and summer brings warmth.... and fall. Well, fall is actually my favorite time here because there is a beauty in the changing colors and a nip to the air. Change may mean loss, a loss of leaves or personally a loss of security, identity or familiarity. But it also means beauty and crispness, proving that God is at work, designing and creating the seasons of my life.
Montana had not yet become home. I could never seem to put down roots. A bedroom is not conducive to inviting people over and it’s hard to initiate going somewhere when you have no way to get there. Christmas was spent in Arizona. I did come expecting to make it home like Hawaii - in due time. It had the potential. I really do love it here.
Now the direction has changed from North to South - back to Arizona. It’s probably good Montana had never felt like home or it would be even more difficult than it is to leave. But Arizona is no longer home either. The building will have to begin all over again. The positives - I still have a core group of friends and Arizona is not as transient as YWAM. Yes, that’s good.
What has Satan stolen or tried to steal...Blue skies.
Montana - the big sky country and one of extremes. I don’t usually notice the gray skies of winter - the sun hiding behind the clouds, as long as there is the white of the snow reflecting the light. However, once the sun peeks its head out from behind the clouds in spring, there is a noticeable difference. Bright blue stretches across the expanse of sky replacing what was the dull gray of winter.
Satan loves to steal those bright blue skies and turn my life into a dull gray. Often I don’t even notice the blue is missing until something happens and I remember the times when the sky of my life was blue. The times when I boldly went out on a limb trusting that the hand of God would support that limb. Or the times when I had confidence that God was directing me in what I said or did.
Satan really can’t steal who I am in Christ, because Christ will never leave me, but he can try to hide Him behind the dullness of the gray skies so that it appears that He is gone. Then it appears the intimacy I once had is no longer there. It appears that the cold will last forever but he can’t keep Him hidden for long; for just as the seasons change, the sun will always come out from behind a cloud. Reminding me that it’s always been there, I just couldn’t see it at the time.
God stretches and challenges - puts me in places I would never choose on my own. He removes the comforts and makes the nest prickly at times. But He never leaves me, never am I alone, even if it sometimes “feels” that way. He never gives me more than I can handle with Him by my side.
