Humiliation - to reduce to a lower position in one's own eyes or others' eyes (Websters Online)
Humble - not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive (Websters Online)
I've been studying poverty lately. Should I be living on nothing to spare? I'm sure there are people who are also in that position other than myself.
The first half of my time in missions was blessed. I was abundantly supplied for. Then as the new century rolled in - my support rolled out and it never returned leaving me to pillage the storehouse till nothing was left there either.
This is September and I have not a penny to my name because there are bills requiring that penny and other bills that have no way of payment without God. Proverbs 10:15 says, "The rich man's wealth is his fortress, The ruin of the poor is their poverty."
Ruin in the Hebrew means destruction, terror and a breaking.
I must admit it has been a very painful breaking...never before had I experienced the sensation of physical pain as I looked at someone driving a nice car or seen a well-kept house - like I have in the last couple years. Is that coveting?
Terror... oh yes. Over the past few months, I've used my credit card for food, medicine, tickets and now shipping, knowing I didn't have the money to cover it. God has covered it every month but there are times that I wonder if the emotional interest paid is worth the taste of an apple.
Maybe I was wrong in shipping my things home. Should I have left all instead of half here? I've wrestled with that a lot lately. I only know that at the point of making decisions of what stays and what goes the mind battle was intense and the sense of loss enormous. So I shipped.
Missions requires two jobs; your selected ministry and support raising. I've taken the classes. Read the books. Obviously, something worked in the beginning but now...I have failed in this area.
This I'm sure is a learning curve...God always has a life lesson involved with each challenge. So for now I'm looking for the life lesson in the midst of the storm. Thanking God that He has supplied even though it is not how or when I think it should be.
