I used to have a recurring dream where I would be climbing up a steep, rocky mountain only to slide right back down before I ever reached the top.
Here I am in my 50's and once again living in the home where I spent my teen-age and young adult years. Just when I've thought I've climbed those mountains of pleasing, of fear, of failure, of insecurity or inadequacy, I have found myself sliding back down and having to face them all over again.
I'm back in a place where even as an adult - I was a child. Emotional growth took place after I moved away. But by the time I left home at 26, I felt a good 10 years behind in emotional development and still clueless as to who the adult Sherri was independent of Mom, Dad and Grandma.
Dad is the only one still here physically but there are reminders all around of Mom and Grandma. It's hard not to become enmeshed once again and lose myself in the process during this season of service, falling back into the inadequacy and insecurity of a teen-ager.
The house is in a time warp. It's like walking back into the 60's and 70's. Nothing much has changed, except the accumulation of more stuff, from 1969 when we moved in. I know retro is in but it's not working for me.
